Tuesday, December 6, 2016

Top 10 (or so) Minivan Songs of 2016


Ch... Ch... Changes...

We've gone over 120K miles on the CoolVan, and I have no plans to trade it in.

From last year's post: "This is the third annual Minivan Songs post for me, and it's been the hardest so far." Well, we have a new champion in the Hardest So Far category. Not only do the cooldaughters share less of their music with me, but we've also got a really cool swim carpool now that means I only have to drive like two times per week. There are just fewer chances for me to hear the Top 40.

But... CoolDaughter #1 turned 13 this year, which meant that she attended a whole slew of bar / bat mitzvahs including her own. I'm not totally oblivious to what goes on in the world of pop. And certain sounds have started to seep into the girls' psyches. Like last year, this list goes beyond 10. I have my reasons. Several of these songs came out in years other than 2016, but this was what our van sounded like this year.

We may all be living through the end of the American Experiment, but at least there's still pop music.

10. "My House" -- Flo Rida

I think both cooldaughters pretty much can't stand this song, but the degree to which it was loved by all of the boys during bar / bat mitzvah season was a big topic of conversation. It's catchy, and watching a bunch of kids bounce to it in some darkened event space is pretty funny.



9. "Work from Home" -- Fifth Harmony ft. Ty Dolla $ign

There was some other song by Fifth Harmony a few years ago that CoolDaughter #2 really liked. I think they played it pretty regularly between shows on Disney Channel or something. As a matter of fact, I thought Fifth Harmony were some kinda Disney Channel band. This is not a Disney Channel song. It is one of those songs that features a mechanical repetition that I'm sure was tested on primates in a lab before it was released into the world.




8. "Girls Talk Boys" -- Five Seconds Of Summer

I have a confession to make. I kind of really don't like the original Ghostbusters. Back in my contrarian teen years (which continue to this day), it just seemed like some big corporate piece of schlock to me. Anyway, I never saw the new one.

This song came on in the car when I was bringing CoolDaughter #1 and her friend CoolMags back from a junior lifeguard tournament this past summer. They had a little trouble believing that it was 5SOS at first, but then they started talking about how they wished they could go to the 5SOS concert that was coming up at PNC THAT VERY WEEKEND. I forget how it happened, but they ended up in the 11th row somehow; and it didn't cost me a dime!



7. "We Don't Talk Anymore" -- Charlie Puth ft. Selena Gomez

Rumson boy makes good. I kept seeing pictures on social media of CD1's friends and their moms at various Charlie Puth appearances throughout the area over the course of the year. CD1 likes the music, but doesn't seem to be super into it. I didn't even know the kid was from around here when I put him on the list last year. Oh, well.



6. "Cheap Thrills" -- Sia ft. Sean Paul

So, our corporate musical overlords have that monkey lab where they test out their songs and monitor the brain activity of higher primates to see what will be a hit and what won't.

And then there is Sia.

She appears to have been born with some version of perfect pitch that allows her to write songs that humans have trouble resisting. When "Cheap Thrills" came up as a potential entry on this list, I had no idea what song anyone was referring to. Then I played it. Immediate recognition as my eyes glazed over and I began bopping along.



5. "Dangerous Woman" -- Ariana Grande

"Somethin' 'bout, somethin' bout, somethin' 'bout choo..."

Ariana Grande has a big, big voice. I get the impression that she thinks nobody believes that, though. I remember that during her SNL performance, she did a totally a cappella version of whatever hit song she had out at the time. And there's an a cappella version of this song on YouTube as well. Ariana, it's cool. We all know you can sing.



4. "Cake by the Ocean" -- DNCE

I'm sure this came out in 2015, but I have a 2016 beef with DNCE. I headed over to Austin's Waterloo Records when I was at South By Southwest in March to catch a band from Louisville called White Reaper. They're a wild garage rock band I'd seen at Asbury Lanes a few months prior. When I got into the Waterloo parking lot where the stage was set up, I couldn't get near the stage.

"What the hell?" I thought. "Why are all of these people packed in here to see White Reaper who have like 2 EPs and are playing 25 shows here this week?" Then I saw all the poster board. The letters DNCE and pictures of Joe Jonas. Guess who was on right after White Reaper?

Also, according to Joe Jonas, "...these Swedish producers we were working with kept confusing 'sex on the beach' with 'cake by the ocean.'" Yeah. Like those are totally similar. Whatever.



3. "Closer" -- The Chainsmokers ft. Halsey

CD1 seems to really like this song. There's definitely something earwormy about the beats and the vocoder / AutoTune or whatever on Andrew Taggart's vocals. The song was also the first number 1 single for Washington, NJ native, Halsey.



1. (CD2) "Stressed Out" -- tweny one pilots

I'm just guessing here; but, I think if CD2 had to pick a number 1, it would be this one by twenty one pilots. As I mentioned last year, if one of her favorite songs isn't playing, she'd almost rather have the radio turned off. She won't let me turn this one off.

At the end of the last school year, CD2's school had this karaoke sing along thing one afternoon. It was the most horrible idea anyone ever had ever as under-10-year-old kids just ran amok screaming like maniacs. I do remember CD2 and some kid sitting behind me singing along enthusiastically to "Stressed Out" though.

CD1 knows every word and proved it to me last night in the van.



1. (CD1) "i hate u, i love u" -- gnash ft. olivia o'brien

"and now all this toyme is passing boy but oy still can't seem to tell you whoy..."

That's fun.

Anyway, CD1 loves this. She kind of half-closes her eyes and sings along. We're all so romantic as teenagers. When I was going over possibilities for this list with her, this was her clear number 1. "Oh my God, I love this."



The Special Section

"Bad Reputation" -- Joan Jett

Last year, CD1 binge watched all of Freaks and Geeks, which I found pretty cool on its own. She was still riding on my iTunes account at the time, and I remember sitting in Barnacle Bill's and getting the iTunes receipt for "Bad Reputation" in my email. I almost cried. She plugs in her iPhone and plays this one in the van on the way to every single swim meet.

She also tells the story of how, when she put this on as her song analysis selection in music class, everyone turned to her, mouths agape, when the first chords rang out.



"Beat on the Brat" -- Ramones

CD2 cannot get enough of this song. Her reaction upon hearing it for the first time was, "Whoever wrote these lyrics is a genius!" And right then and there, my 9-year-old daughter summed up The Ramones.

When we drive around as a family, the Ramones' catalog is something we can all agree on.



"Ziggy Stardust" -- David Bowie, "Let's Go Crazy" -- Prince

There were a couple of mornings this year when I put some stuff on that I'm pretty sure neither of the cooldaughters had heard at that point. I drove them to school, and I think my voice may have cracked a bit as I sang along. They sing along when they hear these songs now, too.

*Not sure how long the Prince clip will be available online, but it's been there since August.





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