Top 10 Minivan Songs of 2013

Something for the Kids

I drive the cooldaughters. A lot. School, swim practice, dance lessons, swim lessons, music lessons, friends' houses. When we're together in the van, the radio is usually on either Sirius XM Hits 1 or Radio Disney. CoolMom can only ever put up with this for about one song, but I try to keep an open mind. Pop music has its place.

In that spirit, I've compiled a list based on a quick survey of the family and on my own perception of what makes the girls say, "Don't turn the car off!!" as we pull into the driveway. So here they are, CoolDad Music's top 10 Minivan Songs of 2013.

10. "The Way" -- Ariana Grande ft. Mac Miller

CoolMom and CoolDaughter #1 saw Ariana Grande when she came through Red Bank over the summer. I catch glimpses of Grande almost every day as the kids always seem to be watching one or another of her Nickelodeon shows -- Victorious or its spinoff, Sam and Cat.

Turns out Grande can really sing. Of course her songs are run through the robot voice machine like all pop songs nowadays; but, in her case, I think she's conforming to the aesthetic rather than using it as a crutch. The song has kind of a 1990s R&B, Mariah Carey thing going on, and damned if she doesn't pull it off. The Mac Miller rap is nicely rolled right in and works better than the typical rap break.

9. "True Love" -- Pink ft. Lily Allen

This one is here for CoolMom. She loves Lily Allen and she really likes this song. The cooldaughters, on the other hand, are mystified. They just can't get their heads around the song's pre-chorus of "But I hate you, I really hate you, so much I think it must be..."

"That song makes absolutely no sense!"

There really isn't much to Allen's bridge / verse thing, but she sounds good.

8. "Applause" -- Lady Gaga

"One second I'm a Koons, then suddenly the Koons is me." For the longest time, I thought that koonce or koonts or whatever she was saying was some slang term that Gaga made up for the song. Then I read that Jeff Koons did the cover art for ARTPOP, and I realized she was saying something about once being the artist and now being the art.

I have not had this discussion with either of the cooldaughters.

They just laugh every time the song is on because the father of one of CoolDaughter #1's friends substitutes "Applesauce" for "Applause" in the chorus. Oh, dad humor.

7. "Get Lucky" -- Daft Punk

On the rare occasions that I can put on Sirius XMU -- "North America's Big Corporate Indie Rock Station" -- when we're in the van together, it's big crossover hits like "Get Lucky" that stop the girls as they're starting with their chorus of "Nooooo, Daddy. Turn this off..."

I like this song ok. It's an ear worm for sure. But I really don't get the Daft Punk thing.

"Daddy, what does 'get lucky' mean?"

6. "The Wire" -- HAIM

Another one that started on the indie rock station to build some street cred before implementing its master plan of total world domination. It's creeping up that Whatchuwant Countdown a little more every day.

CoolDaughter #2 loves the part that goes "I know, I know, I know that you're gonna be okay anyway" and then mysteriously disappears from rest of the song. I've got this thing where I like to imitate the vocal delivery in songs as I sing along, and this one makes me sound like I'm having a seizure or something.

5. "Still Into You" -- Paramore

My niece was once Hayley Williams for Halloween. Not sure that the cooldaughters really know that much about Paramore, but they seem to like this song. For me, it's one of those corporate rocky kind of things like Avril Lavigne that isn't particularly interesting, but isn't bad. If the station played this every time they wanted to play that weird "Hamster Dance"-sounding song by Avicii, the world would be a better place.

I find it kind of amusing that the not yet 25-year-old Williams is singing, "After all this time, I'm still into you," but it's definitely a sentiment with which I can identify.

4. "Royals" -- Lorde

"Dad, do you hear what she said there?"

"What part?"

*silently mouthing* "Stripping"

"What??"

"She says 'Stripping in the bathroom.'"

"No. It's 'tripping.'"

"Oh. That's ok then, I guess."

3. "Pass Me By" -- R5

There are certain bands that I think exist only in the Disney Universe. This is, obviously, a wonderfully lucrative universe in which to exist; but it's kind of a weird place where the lines between TV characters and real people begin to blur.

R5 are the Lynches -- Riker, Rocky, Ross, and Rydell -- and their friend Ellington.

OK. Ellington's last name is Ratliff, so I guess it kinda works.

Anyway, Ross Lynch plays Austin Moon on Disney's terrible Austin & Ally. The cooldaughters love that horrible show, and they absolutely love this song.

2. "Love Somebody" -- Maroon 5

Every time this song comes on the radio, I want to get my phone out to record CoolDaughter #2's impassioned and energetic rendition. She closes her eyes and dances in her booster seat while doing these weird vocal contortions that are difficult to explain. She just gets into it.

I'll admit, as much as I dislike Maroon 5, this song sticks with you. Even as I type this, the chorus is beginning to take hold of my brain.

"Daddy, why does he say 'I really wanna touch somebody?' It just seems weird to just touch somebody. Like, just touch 'em?"

1. "We Are Never, Ever Getting Back Together" -- Taylor Swift

Was this ever in doubt?

The girls love it. CoolMom likes it. I've even got a little cover version that I do on the guitar. Remind me never to do it for you, like ever.

In all honesty, if I had to pick a favorite from Red, I'm not sure if I'd pick this or "I Knew You Were Chubble." But this song was the clear winner with the committee.

Honorable Mentions

"Cups" -- Anna Kendrick

All my girls loved Pitch Perfect and this one is an easy singalong. Nice. Harmless.

"What Does the Fox Say?" -- Ylvis

CoolDaughter #2 was adamant that I include this one somehow. She is 6 years old.

UPDATE: I left off Katy Perry's "Roar." I'll catch major flak for that. Slot it in at 1a. Ridiculous oversight. Another one that CoolDaughter #2 performs with a great deal of gusto. Both girls love Perry's lyric video for the song, which shows her going through her day typing out the lyrics on her phone using emoji. They love the part where she's using the bathroom. Go figure.