Top 10 Minivan Songs of 2014

Katy Perry performing "Dark Horse" at Prudential Center in July.

Let's Get This One Out Of The Way

It's list season. I'm trying to line up some pretty interesting guests to take us through 2014 the way they saw it, and I'll be publishing a few lists of my own.

Again, I make no claim that these are "Best Of" lists. The closest thing, for the ones I write myself anyway, is more "My Favorites From Among The Things I Got Around To Hearing" in 2014. They're intended to be a reflection on the previous year and to be, maybe, a good source of recommendations from the many, many things -- especially from our guests -- that we may have missed.

I'm starting off this year's listmania with pop. The cooldaughters still haven't reached that time in their lives where music is all-consuming. I feel like CoolDaughter #1 is about a year away, and CoolDaughter #2 is four or five years behind -- that is, if it happens for either one of them at all. They do have their favorites, though. That's what I'm listing here. The rankings are based on my own mental calculation of what they seemed to be singing along to the most with a bit of my personal preferences mixed in to break any ties.

Here we go.

10. "All About That Bass" -- Meghan Trainor

This should probably be higher. It ended up being one of the biggest songs of 2014, and it has a pretty positive -- if kind of crassly expressed -- message.

I have an aftermarket satellite radio that's "always on." The kids can see what's playing even if I have the sound from the car stereo turned off. This is one of the songs where they go, "PUT ON THE RADIO!" when they see it scroll across the screen. They sing along to it with an affectation similar to Ms. Trainor's.

I hate it, though, so it's Number 10. Sorry.

9. "I Really Don't Care" -- Demi Lovato ft. Cher Lloyd

I hear this song, and I immediately think the verse is a rip-off of "I Love It" by Icona Pop / Charli XCX. The cooldaughters love Demi Lovato, though. I could just as easily have put "Neon Lights" on here, but I like the sing-songy nature of this one a lot better. It also does a better job of capturing that yell / sing thing that Demi Lovato does, which the girls seem to love so much.

I also like it when songs include lines that CoolDaughter #1 is just starting to get. When Lovato sings, "I'll walk right by you and put one finger in the air," she looks at me smirking. CoolDaughter #2 notices from the backseat and says, "What?" Her sister just gives her a wise old, "never mind" like she's in on some grown-up joke.

8. "Fiona Coyne" -- Saint Pepsi

Built on a keyboard riff that repeats for pretty much the entire song, this is one of those SiriusXMU songs that CD1 keeps me from changing every time.

She bounces slightly in her seat after practice, her damp swimsuit probably chilling her to the bone, as she sings "Oh darlin'! Won't you believe me? I'll love you 'til the record stops, the record stops!"

7. "Shake It Off" -- Taylor Swift

I read something earlier this year that said that familiarity and repetition are just as powerful in our brains as truly loving a song. Neither of the kids greeted "Shake It Off" with the enthusiasm of anything off of Red. The relentless airplay, though, eventually broke their wills; and they sang along with it just as enthusiastically as they do with any pop mega-hit.

We all collectively cringe, though, during the spoken-word break / bridge or whatever it is. The song also contains several of the little contrivances that I never like in a Taylor Swift song: that "mmm-hmmm," the stray giggle. Coming up with our own "blankers gonna blank, blank, blank" has become a favorite minivan game.

"Flakers gonna flake, flake, flake"
"Bakers gonna bake, bake, bake"
"Taters gonna tate, tate, tate"

etc.

6. "Dark Horse" -- Katy Perry ft. Juicy J

I don't know. I kinda like Katy Perry. Even though, just like every big pop star, every word out of her mouth is like a commerical for Covergirl or something, she seems weirdly honest to me. Like her public persona may be pretty close to her actual persona. We saw her in concert over the summer, and I found the whole thing pretty enjoyable.

Anyway, "Dark Horse" is one of those songs during which CD2 really emotes. CD1 memorized the whole Juicy J rap. The video is batshit crazy Illuminati conspiracy theorist bait, so that's cool.

5. "Problem" -- Ariana Grande ft. Iggy Azalea

Big year for Ariana and Iggy. *SPOILER ALERT* This isn't the last you'll see of Iggy on this list.

Grande can sing, and the funny thing is that her speaking voice is kind of weirdly similar to her singing voice. Most of what the girls sing along with is the whispered "...one less problem withoutcha" part.

I've always felt like this song is a textbook example of this:



4. "Fancy" -- Iggy Azalea ft. Charli XCX

The bass on this song has been scientifically engineered to access your reptile brain. Your reaction to the bass is involuntary. All about that bass.

And what's more fun than imitating Iggy's "Who dat? Who dat? I-G-G-Y?" As a matter of fact, as a reaction to typing that out, I'm doing it right now.

On the way up to the Katy Perry concert, CD1 and all her buds were going crazy singing along with this one in the "way back" of the van, and it was hilarious and awesome.

Also, Charli XCX is a pop genius.

3. "Boom Clap" -- Charli XCX

Did I mention that Charli XCX is a pop genius?

This is probably my favorite song on this list. It's just a good freakin' pop song. I had no idea that it was part of the The Fault In Our Stars soundtrack until CD1, obsessive tween, pointed it out to me.

Every time I hear Charli XCX on the radio, I think back to the fact that, last year, she was scheduled to play The Wonder Bar. The Wonder Bar. She canceled when she got added as support for Paramore's UK tour.

Would be kind of cool to be able to say, "Yeah. I saw her when she played to 100 people at The Wonder Bar in Asbury Park."

2. "Cool Kids" -- Echosmith

"I wish that I could / Be like the kookids / Because the kookids / They seem to fit in."

Kind of like Taylor Swift's "chubble, chubble, chubble" or Imagine Dragons' "wacka doodle do ay, doodle do ay" (CD2 gets credit for that one),  I always sing along to this song the way I hear it.

One of CD1's absolute favorites. Like the Number 1 entry, it gives me hope that maybe she's coming around to something that more closely approximates my own musical tastes. I mentioned a while back that I surreptitiously loaded her iPhone with some "starter material," but I don't think she's listened to any of it yet.

Maybe soon.

1. "She Looks So Perfect" -- 5 Seconds Of Summer

CoolDaughter #1 bought this -- instead of some app or game upgrade -- with her own iTunes account balance. Something she's been doing more and more. Like I said, she may be catching the wonderful / terrible music bug.

I'm not sure if this band is selling themselves as a boy band or as a corporate pop punk band, but when I hear all the "Whoah ohhs," "Hey eys," I can't help picturing them, without any instruments, waving their arms back and forth, leading the crowd in a giant singalong.

It's got some "mature themes," I think. "She looks so perfect standing there in my American Apparel underwear." What are ya gonna do? I enjoy seeing the kids being passionate about a song. This one has definite stepping stone / gateway potential.

Honorable Mentions

"Let It Go" -- Idina Menzel

CD2: "I like the Adel Dazeem version better than the Demi Lovato version."

"Rather Be" -- Clean Bandit ft. Jess Glynne

Generic lyrics. A band name that sounds like it came out of a board room. Kids love it, though. I don't know.

Top 10 Minivan Songs of 2013

Something for the Kids

I drive the cooldaughters. A lot. School, swim practice, dance lessons, swim lessons, music lessons, friends' houses. When we're together in the van, the radio is usually on either Sirius XM Hits 1 or Radio Disney. CoolMom can only ever put up with this for about one song, but I try to keep an open mind. Pop music has its place.

In that spirit, I've compiled a list based on a quick survey of the family and on my own perception of what makes the girls say, "Don't turn the car off!!" as we pull into the driveway. So here they are, CoolDad Music's top 10 Minivan Songs of 2013.

10. "The Way" -- Ariana Grande ft. Mac Miller

CoolMom and CoolDaughter #1 saw Ariana Grande when she came through Red Bank over the summer. I catch glimpses of Grande almost every day as the kids always seem to be watching one or another of her Nickelodeon shows -- Victorious or its spinoff, Sam and Cat.

Turns out Grande can really sing. Of course her songs are run through the robot voice machine like all pop songs nowadays; but, in her case, I think she's conforming to the aesthetic rather than using it as a crutch. The song has kind of a 1990s R&B, Mariah Carey thing going on, and damned if she doesn't pull it off. The Mac Miller rap is nicely rolled right in and works better than the typical rap break.

9. "True Love" -- Pink ft. Lily Allen

This one is here for CoolMom. She loves Lily Allen and she really likes this song. The cooldaughters, on the other hand, are mystified. They just can't get their heads around the song's pre-chorus of "But I hate you, I really hate you, so much I think it must be..."

"That song makes absolutely no sense!"

There really isn't much to Allen's bridge / verse thing, but she sounds good.

8. "Applause" -- Lady Gaga

"One second I'm a Koons, then suddenly the Koons is me." For the longest time, I thought that koonce or koonts or whatever she was saying was some slang term that Gaga made up for the song. Then I read that Jeff Koons did the cover art for ARTPOP, and I realized she was saying something about once being the artist and now being the art.

I have not had this discussion with either of the cooldaughters.

They just laugh every time the song is on because the father of one of CoolDaughter #1's friends substitutes "Applesauce" for "Applause" in the chorus. Oh, dad humor.

7. "Get Lucky" -- Daft Punk

On the rare occasions that I can put on Sirius XMU -- "North America's Big Corporate Indie Rock Station" -- when we're in the van together, it's big crossover hits like "Get Lucky" that stop the girls as they're starting with their chorus of "Nooooo, Daddy. Turn this off..."

I like this song ok. It's an ear worm for sure. But I really don't get the Daft Punk thing.

"Daddy, what does 'get lucky' mean?"

6. "The Wire" -- HAIM

Another one that started on the indie rock station to build some street cred before implementing its master plan of total world domination. It's creeping up that Whatchuwant Countdown a little more every day.

CoolDaughter #2 loves the part that goes "I know, I know, I know that you're gonna be okay anyway" and then mysteriously disappears from rest of the song. I've got this thing where I like to imitate the vocal delivery in songs as I sing along, and this one makes me sound like I'm having a seizure or something.

5. "Still Into You" -- Paramore

My niece was once Hayley Williams for Halloween. Not sure that the cooldaughters really know that much about Paramore, but they seem to like this song. For me, it's one of those corporate rocky kind of things like Avril Lavigne that isn't particularly interesting, but isn't bad. If the station played this every time they wanted to play that weird "Hamster Dance"-sounding song by Avicii, the world would be a better place.

I find it kind of amusing that the not yet 25-year-old Williams is singing, "After all this time, I'm still into you," but it's definitely a sentiment with which I can identify.

4. "Royals" -- Lorde

"Dad, do you hear what she said there?"

"What part?"

*silently mouthing* "Stripping"

"What??"

"She says 'Stripping in the bathroom.'"

"No. It's 'tripping.'"

"Oh. That's ok then, I guess."

3. "Pass Me By" -- R5

There are certain bands that I think exist only in the Disney Universe. This is, obviously, a wonderfully lucrative universe in which to exist; but it's kind of a weird place where the lines between TV characters and real people begin to blur.

R5 are the Lynches -- Riker, Rocky, Ross, and Rydell -- and their friend Ellington.

OK. Ellington's last name is Ratliff, so I guess it kinda works.

Anyway, Ross Lynch plays Austin Moon on Disney's terrible Austin & Ally. The cooldaughters love that horrible show, and they absolutely love this song.

2. "Love Somebody" -- Maroon 5

Every time this song comes on the radio, I want to get my phone out to record CoolDaughter #2's impassioned and energetic rendition. She closes her eyes and dances in her booster seat while doing these weird vocal contortions that are difficult to explain. She just gets into it.

I'll admit, as much as I dislike Maroon 5, this song sticks with you. Even as I type this, the chorus is beginning to take hold of my brain.

"Daddy, why does he say 'I really wanna touch somebody?' It just seems weird to just touch somebody. Like, just touch 'em?"

1. "We Are Never, Ever Getting Back Together" -- Taylor Swift

Was this ever in doubt?

The girls love it. CoolMom likes it. I've even got a little cover version that I do on the guitar. Remind me never to do it for you, like ever.

In all honesty, if I had to pick a favorite from Red, I'm not sure if I'd pick this or "I Knew You Were Chubble." But this song was the clear winner with the committee.

Honorable Mentions

"Cups" -- Anna Kendrick

All my girls loved Pitch Perfect and this one is an easy singalong. Nice. Harmless.

"What Does the Fox Say?" -- Ylvis

CoolDaughter #2 was adamant that I include this one somehow. She is 6 years old.

UPDATE: I left off Katy Perry's "Roar." I'll catch major flak for that. Slot it in at 1a. Ridiculous oversight. Another one that CoolDaughter #2 performs with a great deal of gusto. Both girls love Perry's lyric video for the song, which shows her going through her day typing out the lyrics on her phone using emoji. They love the part where she's using the bathroom. Go figure.